in the last 48 hours, i have -

fallen over a stool laughing my ass off to stories, sexual escapades etc of old friends

tumbled out of bed to help photograph a birthday cricket match of an awesome man, holding an umbrella hoping no lightning would strike the metal tip of it while i took pictures in the pouring rain

stuffed myself with chocolate lana cake watching people who love each other love each other some more

listened to stories of detainees of Operation Spectrum and helped sell books while meeting random academics and friends, and hyperventilating like a fangirl over social activists

introduced mutual friends to each other and watching them connect

spent time with The Sister and being thankful for that little time we have together before she leaves again 

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wow, i’m a lucky kid.

in every emotional conflict, there is a waiting period, where one party waits for the other to come forward in a recognised desire to negotiate their feelings. of course, this depends on whether both parties are confrontational, non-confrontational or a mix of both.

in this period, there is a liminal space where the individual hasn’t quite decided yet how s(he) feels. it is always a mixture of confusion, hurt, pride, perhaps nostalgia. it is marked by uncertainty and tears (sometimes).

the negotiation sometimes doesn’t happen. when it doesn’t, it mostly dies a natural death, if both parties move on to other things/people. this is sad, but such is life.

when the negotiation does take place, it is make or break. either you find a solution, however small, to ensure that change will or has a probability of taking place. sometimes there is just affirmation of the DESIRE to change. sometimes this desire is enough, sometimes, it isn’t. the other party either accepts this hand-out, or walks away.

should the negotiation fail, it is mostly because both parties have ceased to agree on the terms of what could be done, or because one party (or both) don’t see a point of the future together anymore.

this is also sad, but such is life.

and now, i move on to other things, like writing literature reviews while listening to songs in languages i cannot understand fully.

how sometimes when you’re in a group conversation over whatsapp and person X (whom you fell out with say like, 3 years ago) is in it too. and X probably deleted your number, and so doesn’t know you’re in the conversation. and then leaves abruptly when your name is mentioned.

and it’s also funny how you’ll always come to know person X as The Person I Fell Out With and never the person i had a sleep over with, who curled my hair for the first time, who had cats and a kitten i really liked. who has an awesomely supportive family.

because she was all that as well.

read ron’s blog here and felt happy looking at pictures of food and generally good things since ron is a connoisseur of Nice Things.

so now i’m listening to electric guest while looking at the freelance article i’m supposed to be revising with lots of MEH speech bubbles in my head.

i forgot i was ever supposed to write resolutions, but i guess the end of april isn’t such a bad time to start.

i propose to do these things haphazardly this year:

1. make use of my elementary sketching skills and practice

2. take up water colouring classes to also practice pt 1

3. buy quality clothes instead of shitty ones that don’t fit well and aren’t made well

4. treat my dog better

5. treat my parents better

6. learn how not to give in to hypochondria and paranoia in times of crises

7. avoid stressing P out since he has to deal with my shit 24/7

8. make and create things on a budget because i’m supposed to be SAVING

9. go to at least 2 nice destinations (not necessarily expensive) every year

10. be a more proactive research assistant